Stress

There is a lot of tension at home and I can really feel it. I'm sure my other housemates feel it as well. It's not so much the fact that Steph and I will be sighing every few minutes but that the whole house is spending less time outside and more time in the rooms, working on whatever we have to work on. Even when it's time to cook dinner, I can see Tommy or Wan Shi reading their notes or textbooks while waiting for their luncheon meat to cook. We don't converse as much as we used to. In fact, I feel so mentally drained that I have no mood to make small talk. The atmosphere in the house is so strained and I know it's because we are feeling the effects of school stress and pressure. I can't blame anyone for my own feelings of course but I can't wait till this is all over and things are back to the normal, light-hearted, jokes and laughter days.

It may seem funny when I sigh loudly and indeed, Steph does laugh about it. But she sighs too and I can totally understand where it is coming from. The best I can do for her is to listen to her whine and complain about school and the endless assignments. After that, it's back to our rooms and facing the computer to type yet another stupid 2000 word report.

Yes she listens to my complaints and whinging too but that only helps me feel better for those few minutes. When I'm back in my room, I look at the stack of books and notes on my table and I sigh again. The excessive sighing is unintentional and it's so unconstructive. It's not like sighing will end my problems or something.

Thinking about my group project and presentation on Monday gives me a headache. My group mate is not doing his part and when I question him about it (in a subtle way, of course), I feel lots of negativity and defensiveness. It's a natural reaction but can he blame me when he's the one who's not doing his part? Even I know more than him and this is so wrong. Our group is in deep shit!

My honours application isn't going too well either. It's like applying for a job where I have to browse through the many labs, lecturers and projects they are offering before I send out an email stating my intentions and my grades. I've already sent out emails to about 4 lecturers and only 2 have replied. 1 is telling me that the lecturer is on extended leave until January and he will only take in honours students in July. Obviously I can't wait that long but his lab is the one I am really interested in. Disappointment number 1. The other lecturer asks me to go down to his office for a chat (aka interview) and we can discuss about the projects he has. The only thing is, my friend had him as a supervisor last semester and she had a really bad experience with him. He gave her a grade 3 which is barely a pass and I don't want to end up like her. Honestly, talking to her has just made him seem even more like a monster and now I don't know if I want to work in his lab. Disppointment number 2. The thrid lecturer hasn't even replied my email. Disappointment number 3. My hope are mostly on the last lecturer. He is working on flaviviruses and at least I have interest and knowledge on that. I hope he gives me a positive reply. Otherwise there will definitely be much more sighs coming from me. Sighhhhhhhhh...........