Tummy ache!!!

Argh...I need to use the toilet right now but Tommy's in there. I just hope he's not doing big business as well. Ugh...urgent urgent urgent...to keep my mind of my stomach I decided to come n write a post.

I've been thinking a lot about my secondary school life and friends. Of course I feel sad that I've broken away from those days and the friends I made in those 4 years. But also, in a way, I wasn't very close to many of them. Back then, I took really really long to warm up to people and the friends I felt close to were those who were in the same class as me for 4 years or in the same ECA.

In my class, I had 2 good friends and we always hung out together. I was very glad to have them because they made secondary school so much more fun. I did have other classmates where we could talk and laugh together but these 2 were special.

After graduating from secondary school, I lost contact with many of them. It was mostly because we went different ways. Most of them went the JC route while I went the poly route. So even when we did meet up once or twice, it was like we were from 2 different worlds altogether. I felt very awkward and didn't have much to say to them. They had more things in common with the rest because of JC.

I did try to stay in touch with 1 of the 2 girls I was closer to in the beginning. We wrote each other letters weekly to keep each other updated. It helped a lot because she was also in poly like me, although a different one. It made poly life much easier, knowing that I had a friend out there no matter what. Of course starting a brand new life in a brand new school with brand new friends wasn't easy. It was daunting....and scary at the same time.

Unfortunately, this particular friend was a Christian, and a very staunch one. She had accepted Jesus Christ quite late in life. I believe it was after we left secondary school or maybe in secondary 4. Anyway, her church was opposite my poly and she would invite me to their church sessions. I agreed to go, and I went, twice. The first time, it was like a gathering with other people around my age. It was held in a small room and seemed like a normal get-together session. However, they singled out the non-Christians and I hated that. I hated seeing everyone staring at me as my friend introduced me to them. The second time was a church mass. I think that was a day where people from the church were asked to bring their friends along to take a look and experience Christianity. We were given small gifts as we entered the church and during the mass itself, again the new aka non-christians were asked to stand up so that the pastor could bless us in his prayers. I didn't want to stand up but my friend said that she would stand with me. I just felt like I was in an alien situation and didn't like it. The entire event was extremely uncomfortable.

After that last experience, I refused to attend anymore church activities. I felt a pressure to convert and they were putting this pressure on me. It was totally ridiculous because I don't even believe in God and I've told my friend that. I also told her that I didn't want to attend anymore but she kept persuading. In the end, I stopped contact with her because it seemed like everytime we met or talked, the church would be mentioned and I didn't like that. I accept her as a Christian and I accept that she believed strongly in Christ. But what I couldn't accept was her trying to push and push me to go to church with her and try to convert my own beliefs. This is what I dislike most about Christianity.

Maybe it's not the religion's fault. I know many people who do not try to convert others and I have relatives who are very strong Christians. Come on, my uncle is a pastor and he accepts that I don't believe in God. I have attended church activities like Christmas parties and masses with my cousins and they have never ever asked me if I would want to convert. If my own family doesn't pressure me to change, what right does a total stranger have to come up to me and preach to me? Right now I'm not referring to my friend anymore, but to those people who stand outside MRT stations or shopping centres, waiting for unsuspecting victims to pass by so that they can grab them and start trying to convince them to accept Christianity. And what about people who go door to door in HDB flats, knocking on their doors and trying to preach? These people don't take no for an answer and they never stop. I liken them to spiders. Ruthless predators who prey on others, either by waiting patiently in the middle of the web for a prey to fall in and then eating them or by chasing their prey relentlessly until the prey has no where else to run.

All in all, I do hate people who are like that. I'm also sad that because of this, I've lost my friend and I don't know if I can have her back. I miss her friendship but at the same time, I worry that she will start asking me to go to church with her. That is what I definitely do NOT miss.