Reflections

So I've been slacking since I got back from Brisbane and I've finally had the chance to take my break. I've managed to catch up with most friends, played lots of tennis and mahjong and eaten most of the food I've missed. I've been mapling a lot as well which is actually such a waste of time.

Many things have been happening around me whilst I live in my little Maple world. A friend got married. Many friends are busy working. Some are busy mugging for exams. I didn't really know why I'm still hanging around and not actively searching for a job. So far most of my attempts have been half-hearted at best.

Then during a mahjong session on Saturday, Kit made me realise what was going on. I wasn't happy with my life at all. I mean, I am happy when I'm with my friends, I'm happy when I'm playing my game, I'm happy when I'm lying in bed reading my books, I'm happy when I'm playing tennis but these make me happy on the outside and I'm not happy inside.

Usually I'm a very happy-go-lucky person. I can live each day as it comes and not worry about the future. But now I understand that I'm still living in my past. I can't push aside the 2 years I spent in Brisbane and now I compare everything to my life in Brisbane. It's dumb but I can't help it.

It's also weird being so free everyday while everyone is working or studying. Mondays to Fridays go by slowly and I feel extremely lonely. I am often tempted to ask some friends out on weekdays because I'm so bored and tired of staying at home. However, it would mean spending more money and I would be making use of them just because I have nothing better to do. Hence, the weekdays are spent at home, on my computer and with my mum.

I really need to snap out of this...I'm not used to feeling so depressed all the time...