All gone...all gone...

Yes today Milo's parents went back. I'll miss them. Milo's probably thinking about them right now. I can totally feel her sadness and longing. I understand that she wants them to stay. Unfortunately we can't always have our way.
How nice it was to have a real family to come home to.
How nice to have parents to fuss over you.
How nice to have a mom to cook, clean and look after you.
How nice to have a dad fix and handle things around the house.
How nice to sit down at the dinner table every night and have a simple home-cooked meal together.

And yet, I would look forward to having the house to myself once more. I would enjoy not having someone to nag at me. I would love being able to do my things without having to worry if my parents were bored or not. I think I'm addicted to my independence. I would want things this way even when I go back. I would want my parents to knock on my door before entering. I want to wake up whenever I want and eat whenever I feel like it. I want to go out without reporting and asking for permission beforehand. I don't know if things will work out this way but I can say that I have thought of moving out when I go back to S'pore. I have thought of renting a room for myself just so I can have my freedom. I will not do it though. As much as parents can be annoying, I don't want to break their hearts by telling them I don't wish to stay with them; that I would rather stay with a bunch of strangers. No, as much as I would relish my independence, I treasure their feelings more.

I cannot believe I'm helping HER. I cannot believe I'm being nice and civil to HER. This is so ridiculous. I shouldn't even be talking to HER. I should be ignoring HER and pretending that I never received any of HER messages. Why am I so stupid? SHE uses all these terms of endearment with me and all I want to do when I hear them is slap HER hard in the face and then punch HER until SHE passes out. Violent I know. Yet I have no excuse, no reason to be nothing but nice to HER. After all SHE hasn't offended me directly. We haven't even have much contact with each other. But SHE pisses me off. I detest HER so much. Why am I such a sucker for being kind and helpful?

Do quitters really deserve our respect?

I remember long long ago, when I was still very young and innocent (I'm still young now ok), there a program on Channel 8. It was featuring this singer called Eric Moo and they were celebrating the fact that he managed to quit smoking after much hard work. So this entire program was about his experience and how proud he was to be able to quit blah, blah, blah... My dad was watching the show with me and he went, "Big deal! So what? I've never started!". At that time I was thinking that my dad was being such a spoiler and not being very supportive of this guy's success.

Now I realise that I actually agree with him. Why should we give praise and credit to people who smoked, drank, gambled, took drugs and finally managed to quit? It's not that I'm saying they went through a tough ordeal to quit. It's not that I'm saying the process was easy and they are making a mountain out of a molehill. I know that giving up cigarettes and drugs for someone who is hooked isn't easy. It might be the toughest thing that they have ever done in their lives. But for them to succumb to temptation in the first place, be it because of bad influence, peer pressure, desperation, stress or any other reason, doesn't it show that they chose the easy way out?

There are so many books and stories on TV shows like Oprah that feature people who went into rehab and come out clean. A Million Little Pieces is one good example which was given heaps of publicity but turned out to be more fiction than fact. I don't understand why the public would buy such a book and actually feel emotion for the author, especially if they are not drug users themselves. Shouldn't they be thinking to themselves that they can celebrate the fact that they have been clean all their lives? That they were mentally and morally strong enough to resist?

We all go through rough patches at some point of our lives. We all would have been given the opportunity and the temptation to try these things. But shouldn't the attention be given to those who have never given in and stayed true to themselves? Picking up a cigarette or popping a pill should not be condoned even in our darkest hour. Many films always feature the characters heading to a bar or lighting a cigarette whenever they are troubled. That is so wrong. It encourages the public to follow in their stead.

Social smokers are just as bad or even worse. I cannot comprehend why they would smoke just because they happen to be partying or in the company of fellow smokers. This hints to me that they want to fit in with the group and they have no self-esteem or respect for their own bodies. It's bad enough that people get hooked on to smoking so easily. The fact that these social smokers are saying that they are not like normal smokers because they can control themselves and not get addicted is such a hypocrisy. The fact that they can choose whether or not to smoke and they choose the former shows that they are complete idiots.

I salute everyone who have never gone down these paths. They are the ones who should be given our attention and respect, not those who have walked the path and turned back.

Kasey Chambers - Like a River

I heard this on the radio. The singer's an Aussie so they promote her songs big time. It's a nice song though, very country and good for chilling out to. Definitely worth the time downloading to add to my collection.

Sometimes you walk like an angel
Sometimes you walk like a man
Sometimes you crawl like a baby
Makes me forget who I am
Have you ever been held before
Like honey to the bee
I've never been held before
Like you hold me

Chorus:You make me feel like a river
Like a water overflow
Wanna shout it out from the Mountain
Wanna sing it on the radio
I'll sell my soul like a sinner
If it means you'll never go

I think the sun is finally rising
Its burning down because I miss you
I'm gonna walk right through the fires
Cos all I wanna do is kiss you
Rain falls, won't wash this away
I'll build a stonewall to make you stay

[Chorus:]You make me feel like a river
Like a water overflow
Wanna shout it out from the Mountain
Wanna sing it on the radio
I'll sell my soul like a sinner
If it means you'll never go

[Chorus:]You make me feel like a river
Like a water overflow
Wanna shout it out from the Mountain
Wanna sing it on the radio
I'll sell my soul like a sinner
If it means you'll never go

Never go
Never go

The house is silent and peaceful. Only Danielle and I are around. Steph has gone out for dinner and a movie with friends. Mil's away up Sunshine Coast with her parents, uncle and auntie. How fortunate to have family around! Even though the sheer number of people squeezing in the house (8 including the original housemates) makes using the amenities a little troublesome, I love the idea of coming home to a house full of people. It just seems so much more cosy and you have something to look forward to at the end of a busy day. Work has been so hectic and my PMS colleague isn't making things easy for me. At least I could come home and forget about all those problems by chatting around. I don't know if I would like having my parents here though. Somehow I feel that they might feel awkward. I cannot imagine my parents sleeping on the couch because they have never done such a thing before. My dad doesn't cook so he can't shower his love by cooking up a feast for me. My mum cooks but she wouldn't want to cook while on her holiday and sad to say, I think I prefer my cooking to hers. My dad isn't the kind who could stay home all day waiting for me to come home from work to entertain him. He would probably rent a car and be out golfing all day, leaving my mum at home by herself. Such is the case even back home in S'pore and he hates to go touring around. He would rather play golf. So if I had a choice, I would rather have just my sister to come, even though I know it would be quite impossible for her to come again at the end of the year. Chris was right. The graduation ceremony is nothing but a show for parents and relatives to bask in the glory of their beloved child being able to get a piece of paper and prove that all that money was well-spent. Given a choice, I would skip the ceremony altogether and go shopping with my friends or sister. In fact, I think, during my ceremony, I shall go up and take my piece of paper and then walk out of the hall instead of going back to my seat and listening to a couple of boring speeches and a school song which isn't even in English. I shall go out and wait for the ceremony to finish, meanwhile taking pictures and playing "Turtle Jump". Anyone wants to join me?????

P.S. Now even Danielle has gone out to get groceries. I want to go out too. But I need to save the money and also work on my report which I have been neglecting for so long. Why oh why oh why......

Short Notes

• 10 degrees now and everyone is freezing. I wonder why I don't feel cold and am going around without shorts? Maybe I am crazy.
• Sick yet I don't feel sick. I have a blocked nose and a phlegmy cough which is irritating and the phlegm is giving me a very sexy voice right now.
• Cough mixture is disgusting and since I have to suffer with it, I'm making everyone else take it as well. Juju is coughing so she has to take it anyway. My next target will be Chris, muahahahhaha!
• The house is slowly clearing but I have to emphasize on the "SLOWLY"!!! We have too much stuff around.
• I just bought a study table for $15 and a box fan for $8. What a bargain!!! The table isn't in the best condition but it'll do for 6 months and it's big and spacious. Plus the seller gave me a small coffee table, some plastic storage racks and boxes AND a radio for FREE. Some people are just so nice and generous. Also thanks to the gals for helping me transport my table. We had some trouble because it was so big and couldn't fit properly in the car.
• Thought my sister was arriving this morning so Mantou and I drove down to the airport to pick her up. I called her on her handphone to ask her to come out and she was still in S'pore!!! Shit, miscommunications and she is only arriving tomorrow morning. Apologies to Mantou from my sister and I for making her go all the way so early for nothing.
• I'm tired but I wanna watch tennis. Now I feel so lazy to go down to work because I have nothing to do anyway. But I really should go down and just show my face. I'll be on leave soon to spend time with my sister and go down to Sydney.
• Booking accomodation, tickets and the car are getting so troublesome. The internet is supposed to allow us more flexibility but it's not as simple as it seems. Plus booking online requires a credit card most of the time. I hate having to use my dad's credit card all the time. It makes me feel guilty.