Changes

I've been spending less time with the people at Warren and more time with Mil and Steph. It's not that I don't enjoy myself with the guys; we still have fun and lots of laughs because they are really lame. However, I feel more appreciated and more accepted with Mil and Steph. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess it's in the simple and small things that they do. I love the way I feel so welcome with Mil and Steph. I love the way they brighten when they see me. I love the way we sit down and talk serious stuff. Somehow, these are all missing with the guys. I don't feel necessary there. It's like I don't make a difference whether I'm there or not. Hence, now I prefer not to spend so much time with them. Life is moving around as well. I'm getting closer to the people at work although there are still some who are quite distant. Anyway, it's sometimes hard to find common topics with the older people. I also like the fact that I am becoming more of a friend to my supervisors instead of a student. I find it easier to talk and joke with them, particularly with my guy supervisor. It feels just so natural to be sarcastic with him since he is sarcastic with me anyway. We take turns to tease each other and then he can show his playful side. A little strange but I find myself looking forward to the days he comes into the lab and we get to talk. Unfortunately he only comes in on Wed and Fri.

Darren Hayes - So Beautiful

Whether I'm right or wrong
There's no phrase that hits
Like an ocean needs the sand
Or a dirty old shoe that fits
And if all the world was perfect
I would only ever want to see your scars
You know they can have their universe
We'll be in the dirt designing stars
And darlin' you know

You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the world I wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful

Whether I'm up or down
There's no crowd to please
I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it
And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown
You know they can sail away in sunsets
We'll be right here stranded on the ground
Just happy to be found
You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the world I wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful
I have lost my illusions
I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don't understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand

You are... So beautiful
Yeah darlin' you know
That you make me feel so beautiful!
Nowhere else in the world I wanna be
Yeah you make me feel so beautiful!
Yeah darlin' you know
That you make me feel so beautiful
Yeah darlin' you know
That you make me feel so beautiful.

Stressed but not doing anything about it

Yes, I have yet to add any news words into my 5k report and here I am, updating my blog.

Yes, I know I am fantastic at wasting my time doing ridiculously stupid things.

Yes, I have tons of reading to do even though I already have 30 references for my report.

Yes, I am stressed and worried that I cannot finish my report especially when my supervisor is
pressurizing me about it but being the avoider that I am, I tend to push these thoughts to the back of my mind.

Yes, I'm also worried because my experiments are not going the way I expected and I have to delay them when I should have finished them last week.

Yes, time is such an issue and I'm seriously considering taking leave from work to stay home and write my report.

Yes, I really wonder what my supervisor will think about that.

Yes, it's my friend's birthday today and I totally ignored it, stating the reason that I have to work on my report when I'm surfing the internet.

Yes, I feel guilty but I spend too much time having fun whenever I go over to their place.

Yes, I'm spending my money much to fast and I need to BUDGET!!!

Yes, I'm currently hooked on Darren Hayes - So Beautiful, which is literally, so beautiful...heh...

Yes, I wonder what this coming week has in hold for me.
...on one hand, I will be attending a practical in school taught by my other supervisor where I will stick out like a sore thumb and look like the kind of student who failed her subject, has to come in by herself for practical and work by herself. On the other, it's Mantou's birthday on Sunday and I'm looking forward to giving her her present and going out for a nice meal (note to self: BUDGET)

P.S. Happy Birthday to dear Nit!!!

It has been a short work week; short not in terms of the days but the hours. I’ve been leaving work really early, sometimes 3 plus, sometimes 4 on the dot. This is because I haven’t had much work to do and I really should be concentrating on my report instead. So far, I’ve only got 2.7k words when I need 5k. Plus I took 3 days of work last week, supposedly in order to finish up the report but now it’s only half-done. I feel guilty but then again, my other supervisor is supposed to send me some references but he hasn’t done so yet. I hope he sends them to me soon. I really need them to make up the 5k words.

A possum came up to us on the pathway
It didn't seem to be scared of us
It was cuter than a cat
And it wanted to cross the busy road
So it dashed across
I must say that it had less road sense than the cats or dogs I've seen trying to cross
It also had less luck
A car came speeding past
Two thuds; bones breaking
Car gone and fur flying
It lay on the road injured
With many cars still moving fast
I winced everytime a car drove past
But I couldn't tear my eyes away
It crawled with its front paws and made it "safely" to the other side
We moved to the opposite side of the road
Caught it up in my blue sweater
A guy stopped to help
He drove us to the school vet clinic
It was in pain, in shock, dazed
It hardly made any sound
We handed it over to the people there
Signed a form and left
But the incident was still fresh in my mind
I kept replaying the scene, over and over again
Couldn't get it out of my head
Traumatized...

Was thinking about it all day on Friday
Decided to leave early
To rush down to the vet's
In the end, bad news...
The possum was put to sleep
It had broken hips and wouldn't fully recover
So I guess this is the for the best
At least it's not in pain
And mine will subside over time...

It's happening again, this feeling that comes to me every few months or so. I am feeling really old and insignificant and insecure. I feel inferior to others. Damn why must this happen now? I think I should stay away from surfing too much on the net. I wanna go back to feeling happy to be me and not wishing that I was someone else.

Something Funny

This is amusing and you have to watch it till the end because that's the best bit!!

http://www.6park.com/enter1/messages/73556.html

After a long day at work, I was pretty beat and was looking forward to going home to have a simple dinner, taking a shower and then slacking in front of my computer until it was time to sleep. Alas, my plans were all dashed when Chris called me to tell me to go to the guys' place. We were supposed to have dinner there and I assumed that the dinner was either at my place or Chris's. Anyway, I got there and the 4 of us ate together. Today, K and D were out with friends. Dinner was good as usual, the company made it good. After dinner we sat on the floor and played cards again. Stupid games...but laughed a lot...then Chris and WS created this Twister game using cards and the floor tiles. What can I say? It was real dumb but I laughed so much that my stomach is aching now. Or maybe it's aching from all the stretching I was doing on the floor. One thing that made me unhappy was that they threw away the french toast I made for them. They left the toast out on the dining table without covering it or putting it in the fridge and it attracted cockroaches. Well, they might find it funny but I am pretty bummed that they didn't bother to really apologise. After all, I gave it to them to eat and they should be more appreciative. I told them that I wouldn't cook anymore for them and I am seriously considering that. Why should I give my food to people who treat it like dirt anyway? There are many others who would appreciate my efforts at least.

I went into Ki-ong's blog just a while ago and there was a short entry about Mantou.

http://loserkeong.blogspot.com/

Well, I agree that Mantou is really busy and I have to say that I have been upset/disappointed/angry/pissed off when she backed out of some of our outings in the past especially when we have arranged to go out in advance. Somehow, I do know that she has a lot of friends but sometimes, it seems like she takes my friendship a little for granted. Still she is a good friend, good listener and good entertainer. You could never be bored when she is around. I am glad that she make the time to go out with Ki-ong, even if she couldn't make the time for me. I think he needs her more than I do because I still have my family and my friends. Thank goodness for that!